Emergencies

No matter how well I look after myself, there will always be emergencies. Extra stress at work, illness, triggers, there are a good many reasons why I hit an unexpected low.
The better prepared I am for this, the easier it will be to deal with it, although it will never be easy.

People

One big life saver in such a situation is a good social support net. Someone to contact. Someone who knows what is needed. This is something you need to get sorted beforehand, because everybody needs different things. When you feel stable, try to remember the last time you got hit by a low. What would you have needed? Diversion? A hug? Someone to keep you company? To take care of your pet for you? To see to it that you are fed the next couple of days? Someone to tell you to call in sick at work? To send you to a doctor? Someone to talk things through with? To cry with? To tell you that it will get better?

Tell your person(s) what you need when you are in a bad place while you are well enough to talk about it and answer questions. Yes, it would be nice if others knew what you needed without having been told, but that is not the way this works.

If you are more like me, you might not feel like you have this option. When I am well I know that I have friends who would either immediately pick up the phone or get in the car to come see me. But when I am not well I cannot ask for this. So I need a plan that works without other people.

Using the 4 aspects

One therapist told me that there are four aspects:

• Thought
• Body
• Emotion
• Movement

If one is giving you trouble you can create sort of an emergency exit by diving into one of the others.

Are your thoughts spiraling? Activate movement. Dance if you want. Split wood. Whatever. Watch your limits but aim for a point of breathing harder.
Is your body giving you trouble? Activate emotion. Watch a sad movie. Sing emotional songs. Read a really funny book.
Are your emotions in turmoil? Focus on your body. Do a body scan. Analyze how each part of your body physically feels. Move single parts of your body and see how that influences other parts.
Does movement cause pain? Do some heavy thinking. Plan a project. Calculate your budget. Learn a language. Read a book on robotics.

The pairs are not linked in any way, these are just examples. But activating one of the other three aspects takes the focus away from the one that is pulling you down. Your choice depends a lot on condition, inclination, ability to move or concentrate. But I have often found this helpful. It does not solve a single problem, but it gives you a breathing space and a chance to exit the spiral.

You might then still be at the level of the exit point, but at least it does not get worse – and maybe if you do something you enjoy it will actually make you feel better.

Exercise: Prepare for this.
Consider what activity you could do, what music to play, what movie to watch, what book to read. Practice body scans. If you have to figure out these things while everything goes south in a handcart you may find it difficult.

Emergency kit

With my current therapist I have built an emergency kit for depression/anxiety. When I did not use it while getting worse because it was not yet an emergency, we renamed it into “emergency prevention kit”.

What’s in there and how does this work?
It is a 5 step practice.

1. Find out how you feel.
   This sounds simple, but “bad” is not enough. Do you feel inadequate? Shunned? Clumsy? Selfish?
   This might take some work and it won’t be fun because you have to look closely at something that hurts. But it will only take a couple minutes. And if it takes an hour or two – if by this you can avert a couple days or even weeks of feeling depressed, it is time well invested.
2. Ask yourself: Is this feeling current?
   Why would it not be? Because very often my emotions are not based in the here and now but in the past. Very often something that really hurts me does so because this has happened before. So my reaction now is often an echo from a past pain. Only more like ripples in the water, because my reaction now is “bigger” than the original.
   So the question is “Is this situation painful or does it make me relive a memory”? And if, as most likely, the current feeling is caused or amplified by a past feeling, make yourself aware of this. Recognize the current feeling as an image of the original feeling. The thing that caused the original pain is in the past. This will help you to distance yourself a bit from the emotion.
3. Breathing exercise
   Consider what you need, or what you would have needed in the situation you are reminded of. Give this to you in an affirmation. Make a short sentence that you team up with your breathing.
   This can be “I am (on the inhale) worthy (on the exhale)” or “I am allowed to grieve” or “I deserve happiness” or whatever you need to hear. Do this for about a minute.
4. Think of a safe space
   This can be real or imagined. Remember or imagine a situation where you felt/feel safe. Maybe sketch something or note down keywords. Let this feeling sink into you.
5. Appreciate yourself
   Focus on something you love about yourself, something you are proud of or happy about.
   Write it down. Bold letters. Look at the words. Remember a situation where you felt really good about being you.

What items you put into your emergency box is pretty much up to you. I have a magnifying glass, to remind me to examine my feelings closely. I have a print of the “This is not a pipe” picture to remind me that it often is just the image of an emotion, not the emotion itself. You can add a heart shaped object to remind you to love and accept yourself. You can put in things that remind you of a safe place. I have a bag of lavender, because lavender gives me comfort. You can add a memento of something you are proud of, a thank you letter from a friend, a sports medal, a college pin, anything.

My therapist suggested that I put all these things in a box that I decorate with things that make me happy or cheer me up, but I have not gotten around to this yet.
Exercise: Prepare for one of these options. Even if you never need to use it, it will help you to know what options you have. Who would be there for you. What you could do. What good things you could think about yourself. Knowing you have a plan in place gives you some security. And maybe a better opinion of yourself.
And remember: Everything worth doing is worth doing half. So if you only get a start on preparations, this is good. You did something.